After 40 weeks of sharing one body. Bags packed, birth plan in hand, and baby bottles just in case.
It could be nothing just a quick check. Everything will be just fine.
It’s no big deal, just drive and take your time.
“Ma’am Your water broke. She is coming tonight!”
Eyes wide open, trying to comprehend all that the doctor had to say.
“Your doctor is not on call but, another doctor will deliver your baby.”
Wheeled away, IV’s and all. “We’ll start the Pitocin, and see how you’re coming along.”
Can I walk? Can I stand, or maybe squat? I have a birth plan!!!
“Oh, no, no, no, you were given Pitocin. No walking, standing or
“Your baby can’t breathe she’s in distress,
You will be given an epidural and C-section, that’s what’s best.”
I wasn’t ready for my first decision as a mother to be taken away from me.
I wasn’t ready to be told that some stranger would deliver my baby,
and that my doctor wasn’t on her way.
I wasn’t ready to be told I needed a C-section, and my plan for the perfect birth would be flushed down the toilet.
I wasn’t ready to be told I couldn’t walk, stand or do anything that felt natural to me, due to the drugs I was given.
I wasn’t ready to feel alone,
scared and cold with nothing to lean on except a frail little nurse, I didn’t know.
As the needle went in my spine,
I wasn’t ready to contemplate the thought of possibly being paralyzed, unable to walk if I made one small move.
I wasn’t ready for the bone chilling cold of the operating room.
To be strapped down to a bed, teeth chattering, trying not to panic.
I wasn’t ready to feel like a spectator on the sideline of my daughter’s birth.
I wasn’t ready to only see my daughter from afar, as she was whisked away by nurses.
I was ready, I had a plan;
but everybody made the decisions for me.
This isn’t routine for me!
This was a major life event. This wasn’t in my plan.
I wasn’t ready for a life or death choice to be made for me;
creating memories, I’ll hold on to, and some I wish I could un-see.
I still don’t know how I found the strength to stay calm for my baby’s sake and push down all that fear of being cut open.
I did everything I could, and I understand that no birth is perfect. Emergencies happen, but let me know my options and what to expect, or maybe even just tell me why.
Information and inclusion are key, so patients do not feel like, just another C-section.
Eyes wide open. Now, I am focused on teaching women to advocate for themselves, by sharing my experience as encouragement, and advocacy for change.